I’ve taken a break for awhile. See I had to go put my big girl pants on, and do some things outside of my comfort zone. Things like getting braces for the second time at the age of 34. I’ve learned I’m a little more self-conscience than I thought I was. And then there was a big step of getting a second job so I could pay my bills. Turns out I just like helping people, which is why I’m the form coach at the running store I now work at 4 days a week. Apparently I am a teacher through and through. It’s nice to work somewhere that I feel welcomed, and am encouraged to grow. Leaving work at work isn’t bad either.
There have been little changes like finally getting my hair cut again, and bigger ones like having moles checked and a few removed. Again, apparently I’m more self-conscience than I thought I was. It is weird looking at myself and seeing someone so different than the person I’ve seen for 34 years. The biggest change is coming at the end of May. I’m leaving the music school I’ve taught at for the past 7 years. I knew it was coming. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for awhile now. Handing in my notice was one of the most nerve racking things I’ve ever done. It seems to be going well. I have to admit to having a huge case of senioritis.
There are new horizons coming. Teaching at home is the first one. I’ll have at least 3 students in the space my parents cleared out for me. It has a separate entrance, and tons of natural light. It makes me feel light, and happy again. And I think up all kinds of things for teaching while I’m done there. I’ve started playing more weddings, which are very different from the orchestra jobs which seem to be drying up, but at least I still get to play. The music world is changing so fast at the moment. Orchestras going on strike, and more people showing up at auditions.
In the mean time I just keep plugging away. I spend more time going back to technique. I get to work with great groups like TwtrSymphony that want me to grow as a musician as well. I’m getting to a better place for me, which is the important part. Some people have said my personality is border line dark. I don’t know that dark is the right word, but tired certainly is. I’ve found myself in situations that haven’t been the best for me, and instead of building myself up they have torn me down. The self confidence I once had has disappeared a bit. But change is a coming. Time to get use to the big girl pants!