Where did it all go?

Saturday was a frustrating day on so many levels. It’s been an emotionally challenging week, and just physically draining. By Thursday evening I could barely think straight for my last few students. Thankfully they found it highly amusing. Saturday was always going to be a crazy day. A race in the morning followed by a rehearsal and concert in a nearby city. In my head it was all going to go much better than it actually did. The race started later than I thought, and it was cold and rainy. Yay for friends, boo for rain. I got home later than I wanted, got cleaned up, and got into a shouting match with my Dad who wasn’t actually listening to what I was saying. It was 20 minutes before I needed to leave and I was sobbing on the floor. I was tired of being pushed and having everyone’s emotional junk tossed on me. People’s pressure for last-minute plans on a day I already had plans was not helping. Yes I wanted to go, but it wasn’t that simple and little respect, and patience would have gone a long ways. Strike two. I got everything in the car and headed off for rehearsal. It was an hour drive, so I would have time to stop and grab some lunch on the way. The GPS got lost!! Seriously not kidding. It added an extra 20 minutes onto my drive time with all of the stupid u-turns, and back tracking. I made to rehearsal with 15 minutes to spare and no lunch. It was a three-hour rehearsal that finished at 4:00. Strike three. Yeah, Saturday wasn’t my day.


The thing that frustrated me the most, and probably made everything worse, was the race. I was slow, or at least slower than I was expecting. My last 5k I ran with an 8:40 pace on a reasonably hilly course (this course was ridiculous). This time I finished with a 9:28 pace. I was mad. I do all of this training, and had nothing to show for it. The hill repeats didn’t help because my quad was bothering me on the uphills. I had to actually stop and walk part of one. I couldn’t take advantage of the downhills because it was so crowded. With my tempo runs I thought at least a 9:00 pace would be easy, but no I couldn’t even manage that. Oh, and on top of my left quad bothering me, my left arch wasn’t behaving. I’m frustrated. I try so hard to do the right training, stay in the right heart rate zone, and I have nothing to show for it. I thought everything I was doing was supposed to help me get faster and have better endurance. I’m tired, confused, and sore.


I do the same kind of work with my violin, and I see the progress everywhere. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places for progress in my running, but I don’t see anything. Maybe a few days off will help. I’m worried about friends who had surgery last week, my work schedule has been challenging to say the least, and I haven’t been sleeping really well. I feel like a mess. I don’t like feeling this way. I thought Saturday morning would be a fun race with friends, and all that happened was I got really frustrated. I’m ashamed at myself for the way I feel. This afternoon I’m going to spend some time practicing the violin with lots of beautiful sunlight coming through the window. I would take a nap, but I had 3 cups of coffee to make it through the church services I played for this morning. Next post I promise not to rant, or vent. I just need to let go…


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