What do you think of my new friend? 🙂 he needs a name, but I haven’t thought of one yet….
I like to keep him on my dresser because he makes me smile. He has a very fun gift card to one of my favorite stores inside his mouth. Hope he doesn’t eat it!
I’m really happy to have a little break from things over the next couple of weeks. It’s nice to be out of some the of negative stuff I’ve been around recently. I was bouncing off the walls this morning, a clear sign that I’m both feeling better and a little lighter (people were suggesting decaf at Starbucks between the church services I played for this morning). I have a little art project planned for my mirror. I use it all the time to practice my violin. It’s actually the reason I bought it in grad school. I want a place that can remind me of the good stuff.
I spent a large part of yesterday afternoon feeling like I was an awful person. I shouldn’t have let a conversation go where it went. I have learned from past experiences in this particular situation that every time I let this happen I leave feeling like a horrible person. Everything about me is wrong. Everything I’ve done is wrong. It makes me feel bad for days. This started earlier in the year. It’s not constructive or healthy, but it’s something that I currently cannot get out of. Add two not so great auditions into the mix and it’s no wonder I left for vacation in a not so great mood. Add on top of that being questioned if I was taking us in the right direction, being told that I was wrong, that everything I was doing was awful. It didn’t help me feel any better. This one situation is effecting everything else. Over the summer I made the decision to avoid the whole thing. To focus on what I was doing at work, at home, and just do the best I could. I started to attack my practicing like I was on a mission. A mission to get to where I want to go in terms of performing. Going to my lessons makes me happy. Running makes me happy. Trying to have fun with my students and laughing makes me happy. I like it when they tell me I’m silly.
So, how do we deal with things that bring us down? How do we let something roll off our backs when it continues to hurt over and over again? This morning I went running even though I’ve been fighting a cold for days. I over dressed for my 6 miles and ended up sweating a lot (my hair was soaked), and it felt soooo good! It was just what I needed. At least until the memory of everything from yesterday comes back. I have some ideas for getting out of this funk. Now I just need to start doing some of them.
last weekend was a long weekend, which is odd because i don’t have any performances. Instead, some of my students played at Phipps Plaza Saturday morning, one of my students was performing on a friend’s recital Sunday and needed her violin tuned, and then I had my lesson Sunday evening. Playing has been challenging since the shoulder rest broke Friday afternoon.
My shoulder was soooo sore by the time the kids were done playing (I was playing duet parts). Needless to say practicing Saturday afternoon was challenging. I’ve pulled out my old sponges to use until my new shoulder rest gets here (which finally shipped this morning 3 days after I ordered it. I don’t think USPS is 2nd day delivery like I requested. sigh). This of course can open a whole can of worms among violinist. Shoulder rest vs. sponge (or nothing)? I played for 4 years using a sponge. Believe me I get the arguement. However, I have an unusually long neck for a violinist. Hence the need for speedy delivery of the new shoulder rest. My shoulder, neck, and back all hurt. It’s not a lot of fun. I couldn’t even make it through a 60 minute lesson on Sunday. I’m trying to practice technique stuff and no solo stuff because I’m worried that I’ll mess things up. I’m totally compensating because I cannot hold my violin the same at the moment.
The other problem is that I am once again sick :(. I slept for almost 12 hours Sunday and woke up feeling like a truck had hit me. After cranky knee throwing a wrench in training last week I’m a little nervous about training for my marathon in 8 weeks. I did do a lot of cross training last week, and I did a 20 minute yoga core workout this morning (love yogadownload.com). My legs feel strong. I’m just nervous about running 26.2 without enough training. I’ve done it before. My first marathon I only got a 15 mile run in as my longest before the race. It was miserable. I don’t ever want to go into another race under trained. I feel like I can get away with under training for almost any distance other than a marathon. It’s a different monster. Fingers are crossed that i can go running tomorrow. I’m spraying Lysol everywhere trying to kill the germs!!!